It seems that even with my positive outlook for healing with a more natural approach from this Crohn's flare, I somehow cannot grant myself a break from any fear that I could be wrong in my methods. I ask myself, 'Am I right in the drug option that I chose?'. I wonder how many people second guess themselves. If diet is supposed to have such an impact, then why does everything hurt so much? I know that healing time is no expeditious thing. I am aware that revitalizing your body is something that can take years. But frustration grows each day that I cannot put into my body what I have come to know throughout my life as normal food.
I will always be honest in my words.
This sucks.
Anyone who has been put on a liquid diet knows that when your body is craving what just isn't smart to allow yourself [or what others cannot allow you], you start to feel like you're losing your mind. I find myself watching Food Network Online and searching through copious amounts of recipes on various websites. I am living vicariously through the cast of Epic Meal Time and Man vs Food and thinking nothing of it. I am quite certain that my senses are heightened, that I am developing the detection of a Basset Hound, as I am deterred from finishing conversations or even walking when I get a whiff of something deep fried.
Starting Prednisone is never something I am happy about. I chose to stay on it longer to see if it would help a little more before deciding on a reputedly 'harsher' drug. I am dealing, though. The mood swings are seldom, because I am on a lower dosage than usual [which is an important factor in my healing time being longer than expected, I do know this]. I get a sweet mustache, too. Probably comparable to that of my 16-year-old brother. Nonetheless, I will continue to remain hopeful that my decision to stay the course and do things my own way will benefit my life ultimately.
I just want the above in my hand while I do so, without the below being the end result.
Have a great lunch, suckers.
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