Put Your 'Big Girl' Pants On

How many times has someone told you to 'Man Up'?  Thinking about how much work it has been to build my life back from being sick has reminded me that every person has a different struggle.  Small tasks may be huge for some.  I have compiled a group of things that are no longer as difficult for me as they had been during the course of the last year.  Don't get emotional, this is gonna be fun.

One.

Stairs.

Ever had a workout so intense that your ass won't let you take more than one slow, small step up stairs at once for the next few days?  Exaaactly.  I haven't been this mobile in months... And I really like feeling a little burn now that I am able to heave myself up two flights to my room with more ease than before.  These chicken sticks are beefin' up again.  Score.

Two.

Steroid Frenzies.

Um.  Let me paint you a picture.  I sat with my computer in my lap a few days ago, blogwalking, as I love to do, and I became increasingly obsessed with finding and following fashion blogs.  [I have just started getting into them, Vintage themes being my fav.]  I started comparing my life to the photos in these blogs, the beautiful girls in lovely dresses that I just didn't have the nerve to wear in my ravaged, sickly state.  I grew angry that I didn't start this movement.  I thought, 'How could I have possibly let this become something so well known, so huge... and not have been involved from the beginning?  I'm creative!  I should be doing something like thiiis... I blog about Crohn's Disease.  Who wants to hear about Crohn's Disease??  I should delete Stale Cabbage's archives!  Poop jokes?  Pictures of colons?  Am I serious??  This has to go.'  Then, I saw a commercial for something delicious, got hungry, and forgot all about what I was thinking.  It took me 20 minutes to remember what I had been going over in my head about my blog.  And then I sobbed.  This happens in conversations, emails, and general body movement.  I start arguments with people about things that I don't even understand.  I feel it start to happen, but I can't stop it.  It's SO Incredible Hulk.  But it is happening less and less, and I am getting a hold on my sanity again.  Thank goodness... because it's either that, or find a reliable defense attorney.

Three.

Social Interaction.

A few weeks ago, leaving my house gave me anxiety.  I had stayed inside more often than not, nervous that if I ventured out I would become dehydrated and need to go home or to the ER, or not be able to find food that was suitable for someone with a tummy condition.  Exertion of energy is something that a sick person has to monitor when there's a limited amount of spoons.  [Not to mention- people just don't understand that when you try to explain it to them.  They think you're weird or too much of a flight risk to hang around with.  And who wants to have to change things around for a friend like that?  I get it guys, and I need you to know that I'm not mad at ya.]  

Now I want to Salsa dance, paint commercial high-rises, and be a Motocross hero.  Confidence is coming back.  Slowly.  Yeah.  But I sometimes still want to wear a paper bag over my head when I go out.

Four.

EATING.

This is by FAR the most exciting part.  Now that I have been on steroids for a bit, I am seeing a lot of my symptoms float off.  It's not something that I am happy about, being on steroids, because they can seriously hurt you long-term... but I am overall pleased that I chose them and correcting my diet over infusion treatments this year.  I am starting to gain weight back, and aside from all the Hulk Smashing I've been responsible for [God bless my boyfriend and understanding pals], good things are happening for my body.  This means I can eat different things!  I have had bread!  Glorious bread!  Seriously dude, if you've had ANY sort of dietary restriction, you know my pain.  It's only getting better, and I will continue to happily stuff my face with the regular old bland diet as long as I can get some mac-n-cheese time in, too.  

And I freaking plan to.

Sometimes shit is hard.  Rolling with punches, pressing on, just dealing with it... We have stored, in each of us, an infinite amount of strength.  If you stop whining and get to a place where you can tell yourself to put your 'Big Girl' pants on, it will be that much easier.  I'm not saying it doesn't take work.  I'm not saying that whatever you're in won't make you feel like you wanna die.  I'm saying you don't have to.  Because like gas, this too shall pass.  And when you're up and out of it, the remaining skid marks in the undies of life are just something else to laugh at.

Have a crap load of fun this weekend.  You deserve it.