Reaction to a new day/ sleep being over/ waking from that dream where Lindsey Lohan is my Life Coach again, can hit me in two ways. I either bask in the beautiful morning sunshine, or roll myself out of bed with a profound hatred for daylight. Luckily, this morning came with exciting work and I was able to wake happily.
My mornings are usually happy, though. I climb out from whatever cramped position my dog puts me in, with newly-hatched bird hair and the need for a bathroom. Most mornings for people living with Crohn's start this way. Our eyes are finally open, but our guts have been working overtime all night. This is no cause for panic for me, as most people ever staying in my home are kind enough to haul ass when I need them to finish up in front of the mirror.
Today, I'd like to talk about urgency. Yeah, there was just a paragraph about rushing to a toilet, but what I mean to describe is the feeling that life hands you just as you may think that your starting to slack on what's important. I am one of the countless jerks who puts things off, but mostly because situations that call for responsibility can be almost terrifying, not because I don't have the want or need for progress and grown-up ish to do. I don't blow off all adult thought. Even though every single time I say the word "progress", I sing in my head the song from Nacho Libre that plays during a scene where Ignacio and Esteban shop with their wrestling winnings for the first time. Remember it? Just me?
Maybe that's because people with chronic disease are stunted every time they're knocked on their asses. It's comfy to revert to thoughts that require little effort, or moods in which a chat with a loved one can be helpful in pulling me back to the real world.
[You are a real person, even if you feel you're just watching the rest of them from your window]
In more than a few instances, it's fantastic to get a re-do. I won't even pretend to think otherwise. But, in a lot of cases, I find myself lost just talking to friends that I've known for years. Being cooped up for a long time can really screw with your head. The best thing... okay, after all that dancing around your apartment, the best thing to do is give yourself a project.
Even if you think they'd be super duper teeny weenie to anyone else, projects that you create for yourself can actually save your sanity. I know I've been preaching this for some time now, but it's so true that I even forget, stumble upon the idea all over again, and become inspired just as I had the last damn time I started thinking this way. You know what? Time after time, I am proved right.
Last weekend, I made bird feeders. That's right. Peanut butter smeared on a spent toilet paper roll, covered in bird seed.
To some of you, it may seem like a ridiculous thing to do. In which case, piss off. To others, it can be a way to give back to our fuzzy, feathered yard- dwellers. And it's something to feel awesome about, because believe it or not, you're putting yourself out there for another living thing [even if he is a little dude who can't tell you if he even likes the seed blend you've given him].
The bottom line is that you can only go at your own pace to feel truly happy. Don't worry too much about what you should be doing, and pay attention to what you are doing. Take your time. You'll be zipping all over the place, wishing you had the time to sit on your bum and talk to birds before you know it.
I promise..
