It was three years ago today, that I boarded a Boston-bound plane, with a backpack and a puppy... to chase my dreams and grow into an amazing woman. I think I'm finally getting there.
Cosmo sat in his 'house' under my feet in the cabin of the plane.
I held my hands in my lap. And we cried.
I received this journal from my dear friend Hua on my 23rd birthday. I have kept it close to me since then, adding to it my proudest adventures, lessons learned, and my 'flutter moments'. I remember what I wrote on the plane that day.
12-31-2007
Boston Hard Candy
A jump will be scary. A leap, terrifying. Small hops are enough when you don't know what it is you're missing. But when you get that taste- the kind that doesn't leave your mouth without a swish of something that stings, can you ignore your heart and not chase it? Can you let it fade away after time and obligation, like a round piece of hard candy that you'll slowly lick into non-existence? I always used to hide them in the side, right here in my cheek. Or wait to open the wrapper until the time was right. But when the time came and passed, I'd always come to find that piece of candy somewhere in the bottom of my purse, hangin' out with the loose change and lint balls. Eventually, most ignored hard candy makes it to the garbage, with it's dirty wrapper and forgotten moment... And you're always a little angry that you didn't eat it when you had the chance. I want to jump at this chance.
This is the first apartment that I lived in.
I had my first snowball fight here, my heart broken here, and learned the true meaning of friendship.
Before I had left Florida, I was managing a Bath & Body Works store in Sanibel (wasn't as thrilling as some would imagine). I met a woman that I haven't seen or heard from since. She gave me wise words and a quote by Henry David Thoreau. And she hasn't a clue how she's affected me.
" We must walk consciously only part-way toward our goal, and then leap in the dark to our success."
I had the beginnings of a plan, but wasn't sure about the details.
This move just seemed more and more right.
I had planned to drive my little green car to Massachusetts after the first of the year. Then, it died. I decided to put my things into bins and leave them in my family's garage. I left everything. It wasn't until a year and a half later, that I opened those boxes again.
Meanwhile, I started a life for myself here in Boston.
The ticket from my first Celtics game, my first show in Boston (Eclectic Collective & Slick Rick), a postcard from the first bar that I worked in (Big City <3), the ticket from my first trip to the Museum of Fine Arts, and my trusty subway schedule.
I've done some amazing things here. I've pushed myself. I loved and lost. Hard. I've learned self-respect and strength in solidarity. I lived alone. I ran. And ran and ran.
I gave myself something that I deserved.
Because I lived through a few of the most difficult times of my life
Friends were sent to me by the truck load. I met some of the most positive influential (men and) women anywhere.
[There are SO many more of them]
I HAD A CROHN'S RELAPSE. AND I BEAT IT.
I kissed boys.
A lot of boys.
(And we don't have enough room here to get into it.)
I reconnected with my REAL love.
I worked my ass off. I started cooking. I fell in love with Yoga & Pilates.
I SANG.
I get to start performing with The Deep in January 2011!
When I moved here, I met ME. It was worth every moment that I knew real struggle.
I've spent time with my fantastically tacky family, and got to go to concerts that made me feel ALIVE. I've argued with cops, lost things in cabs, rode trains (I'm still not over how cool they are.) I found what I was looking for. And it's just the beginning.
Happy New Year!
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