Home Is Where You Are

I used to feel proud, sparkling. 

Words held more meaning, and did not fly past my lips without first peering out with grace and diplomacy.

My might matched my conviction and with this, my core knew heights.

I had once armed my spirit with truth and forgiveness.

I had stopped to see just what I had been beautifully blessed with on so many occasions, that I carried a glow to be shared with anyone, and everyone.

The internal engine that was my heart, the one that roared so effortlessly in the past, needs now a jump-start that my soul has become too weak to perform.  I am slowly observing my demeanor mutate from something I held in highest personal regard... to a rusted, hurtful, mechanism of emotional wreckage.  I cannot blame corticosteroids.  I cannot blame situations unplanned.  I cannot help but wallow in shame for feeling myself become what I have spent so long running to keep from assuming the form of.  I have allowed my very faith to be shaken.

Tomorrow I will wake up and smile.

I will cast aside the notion that I have yet to become something wonderful.

There will be generated, within the fragile walls of my being, the trust in myself and in love that I had allowed to grow so long ago... that I had finally, so proudly discovered, but so carelessly allowed myself to lose sight of.

And I will come home.

I hope you'll still be there, sitting on the front steps with sun on your face

 and forgiveness in your heart.