Writer's Block[age]

It has been too long since my last post.

I have been spending a lot of my time working, something that I have not been able to effectively do in months.  Being on the upswing of a Crohn's flare, I have had quite the array of ups and downs in healing, and exerting energy can only be done sparingly.  I am excited, though.  Keeping my mind on things that are not Crohn's oriented has helped in my healing.  The unfortunate down side to that, is that my sickness is now very often, 'Out of Sight, Out of Mind', and I am not yet in remission.  This can be tricky, and also very scary.  I have almost gotten to a place where I am uncomfortable talking about my Crohn's Disease, when in the very recent past it was something that I couldn't shut up about.  I am not as vocal because I don't want to think about it.  I don't want to remember what it was like to be in so much pain.  I haven't even wanted to BLOG.  I am not proud of this, after being so involved in sharing with people about this disease, after shamelessly and diligently advocating for sufferers in a World where most people don't even know about what it is that we have been dumped with.  I feel awful.  Crohn's is chronic.  And even if I'm feeling better, I will always be sick.  I can't turn my back on those who are still living everyday with the difficulty that I had, or worse.  I can't.

When you've had more time than you'd like to watch something that has been deemed a hardship, or even a disability, it can become a very large part of who you are.  Earlier this year, I was confined to my apartment [with migratory Autoimmune Arthritis].  I had no choice but to focus my energy on what was happening my body, and not much else.  I lost jobs, and my apartment.  Stress levels were skyrocketing.  I felt helpless.  But I did not dwell.  I would have gone crazy, starting a pretty vicious circle within my mind that would only bring more sickness with the amount of stress that I had allowed to effect my spirit.  That was the hardest part; realizing that if I stayed positive through all of those small hardships, I would eventually smile again.

These days, most of my time is spent smiling, laughing.  I have found a wonderful partner, been able to connect again with friends that I hadn't seen in months, and am working to become as physically active as I had been before this last crippling flare of my Crohn's Disease.  I am starting a career in Illustration and Design, and have recently been fortunate enough to travel again.  But... the closer I am to remission, which I must remind myself is still so very far away, I am subconsciously choosing to ignore small details in the healing regimen that has gotten me to this point.  Not forgetting to take pills or vitamins, not sleeping less, and not eating foods that are less than friendly are all things that are vital to my return to optimum health, and they sometimes fall by the wayside because of my new-found lack of pain.

Knowing and reminding myself to take care of my body was always something that had come easily because my sickness was so intensely a part of my day to day routine.  Now that I feel a lot better, it's harder to remember to offer the right attention to that.  I met with a Nutritional Therapist named Elizabeth Moore, of Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center, my favorite and most trusted Harvard Affiliated Learning Hospital.  She was great, and is pointing me in the right direction to rebuild my body after losing so much over the last year and a half.  I was so happy to be able to talk with her and ask my usual plethora of questions [I am proud to say that when I meet with a Doctor for the initial- or first 15- consults, I am not stingy with 'em. You shouldn't be, either!]. 

So, I am starting over.  Again.  Returning my attention once more to healing, and less on every other distraction that I can find.  Sure, I will continue to work.  I will continue to socialize the way that I can, and give myself the sanity that was taken from me all those months.  

But, I will do it with one of these lovelies.  

 [curlygirlglass]

Because finding and remembering you is the most important part of your life. 

And it doesn't hurt to do so with a little style.