What It Means...

...To Be Sick.

Having a serious Health issue means having to know the difference between fun, and hurting yourself.  Too much energy used one day could predict the next to be fairly uneventful.

It means picking and choosing from equally beautiful days, just which ones you'll be allowed to enjoy.  Sometimes going outside is hard, especially when you're legs don't work as they once had.

It means repeating yourself, explaining what your disease is over and over, because most people don't know what it's like to have one.  Don't lose your patience with them, but HELP them to understand.  You may find that with a little time, they'll actually grasp some of it.

Being sick means missing, and even losing, friends.

Out of sight, out of mind, right?  You'll get those surprised, "How are you?"s that you hate, because you know that deep down, they're thankful that they're okay and most of the time won't actually want to hear your entire story.  But, and know that these are my most honest words, the truest friends will have your back for as long as you carry your plight, and even longer.  They'll ask questions, and wait for you to have the energy to explain the answers, even if you think you can't.

It means learning about your illness, and other illnesses.  When you've got so much down time, reading up on what's going on with your body can be scary-- but it's smart.  I learned quite a bit with my good pal google during my roughest times, and saved a few trips to the hospital by being able to calm myself down with explanations of the complications that came along with my disease.  [Just make me, and yourself, a promise... and never use google images.]  We're out to learn here, not give ourselves hives over what horrible conditions others have had and in turn, think that is happening to us.

-- I have to interrupt myself and add here that this year, I am inspired by a lovely group of creative and interesting people.  They do amazing things everyday!  [Even if one of them is my upstairs neighbor, and her contribution is singing at the top of her lungs to music that I can't even make out, but I know that I love.]  So... for that, I thank you all. --

It means learning trust.  When you're forced to rely on others, and your parents can't be around, being sick makes it absolutely imperative that you surround yourself with those who will love you as unconditionally as it takes to help you wipe your ass when your hands are swollen into fists.  Thanks, arthritis.  This process can be pretty painful.  Heed my warning, be careful who you let too close.  

It means learning you.

Your strengths, weaknesses, and a whole lot of thought processes you'd never imagined you'd even notice.  This is probably the scariest part.  I promise that it will be the most rewarding.  Ongoing and sometimes exhausting, with the highs and lows of the Grand Canyon, but ultimately- very rewarding.

Being sick means putting aside the things you love, opportunities to build your future, and sometimes even having a love life.  You've got to put your 'now' self first.  Now.  Trust me.  If that boy doesn't understand that you've gotta be in bed by 10:00 on a Saturday because you won't have the spoons to wake up Sunday morning and get your laundry finished before this work week, ditch him.  Wait, wait... what's that?  He's that cute?  I don't care.  There are plenty of other beautiful-spirited gentlemen out there who really DO give a hoot about you, and your sick little body.

It means learning that we are given second, third, even fourth chances to revisit our once-possible opportunities.  All that jazz I just wrote about giving up the plans you had made?  For one reason or another, they weren't meant to happen for you just then.  And believe me, when they come around again- and they will -they feel even GREATER.

Being sick.  Sick.  I haven't even begun to sum up what it means to be sick, because for so many people, it's entirely different.  I do know, that despite the pain that you're in, no matter how lonely you feel, and whether or not you're able to get up today, you're amazing.  You're loved.  You're the only you.  And it's your job to show this World your fantastic journey, because even if you reach one of hundreds, you've reached that one.  Maybe he or she hasn't had a go-round on this bullshit carnival ride, but you can be the loving and able hands to buckle the safety harness so that they know a little more about how to keep their eyes on one spot as they spin.

I keep my eyes on my loved ones.  My dog.  My going back to school.  Going back to work.  I choose to make my 'sick' what I want to make it.

I have the highest hopes for myself. 

And for you.

Make this year yours.