THIS IS A GUEST POST BY STEVEN, THE ADORING BOYFRIEND OF ALICIA
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Yesterday, I saw Alicia happier than she has been in almost a year and a half. She and I walked hand in hand through an apple orchard, taking everything that surrounded us. One of the biggest thoughts in my mind was "we're back."
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| it's incredible what you can fin if you just open your eyes. |
It's almost impossible to describe in just a paragraph what such a long period of time succumbing to an illness will do to you - even I hardly understand it. It not only effected her body in such profound ways, it also took a massive toll on her mind, and in turn left a few major gaps in what some consider to be a additional relationship. I don't fully know how much her mind races to trying to keep our relationship above water, but I know that it became a huge part of my daily life - and still is. For many, the process of constant rebuilding and reshaping of relationship dynamics is all but simple and easy to navigate. Sometimes what becomes necessary is to take a step back and hit the reset button, but finding that button is one of the hardest things to do. We tried therapy, time apart and endless solo/personal activities, but nothing seemed to do the trick - until last week. The two of us, despite our fears, took a long road trip down to Florida from Boston. Very quickly into the trip we found that though we did bicker about this and that, it was impossible to go anywhere but half an inch to the left or right. There was simply no hiding from the other person. All we had left to do was talk it out... either that or spend 10 hours sitting in silence next to the person we love and trust, and that wasn't about to happen. This collective 50 hour trip in a car together brought an incredible amount of understanding to one another that had previously felt unattainable. Whenever we would speak to each other before this trip, it felt like our minds were in tangles. No words could express how much we are both deeply in love with the other person and are completely confused by their actions. This forced us to listen to and be reasonable with the other person, instead of walking away. We found very quickly that a lot of the tension in our relationship was completely unwarranted and ill-founded, and deeply rooted in what we both went though together during the time Alicia was very ill. Today, I feel better than I have felt in months. I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders and that the thing I have been fighting for for so long is finally on the road to true recovery. I feel like I have my best friend back.
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and of course, cosmo is always by our side.
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Throughout our relationship, I have become increasingly good at reading Alicia's face - though it really isn't that difficult, she's one of the most expressive people I have ever met. I could tell when her tummy was hurting and I could tell when all she wanted to do was sleep. I could tell when she was feeling alone in her fight, and I could tell when she felt like she had the wind at her back. Yesterday I saw her wearing the face of true happiness and courage, and I was wearing just the same.
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| i love her, truly. |
