Ass Chappage

What chaps your ass? I don't really have much ass, and that ticks me off. I've got a bike though, so a small one is growing.

When frustration sets in, it's tough to keep telling yourself to calm down. To remind yourself that if you don't take a breather in an uncomfy situation, you'll look like an idiot. Not to mention, all of that negative energy can actually hurt you. There are ways to bring down the boil, and I'm on a mission to find what will help in even the nastiest of emotional kitchen fires.

I started to write down the things that bothered me. What I found was that when I read over those notes again later, I would start to back my bitchy self up. I would literally agree with almost everything that my attitude-spewing self had been thinking when she shittily jotted down what made her upset. I made justifications for acting like a dick, and that's just not cool. So, I brainstormed a bit more, and discovered another way to combat the Cold-Ass-Bitchies.

What your ungrateful caboose will need: 

BBQ Skewers- as many as you feel like scoring to cut in half. Breaking them will result in splinters, and more ass-chapping.

Colorful scraps of paper- I have oodles, and you only need small strips, so you can take them from just about anything that you're not using.

A fun pen- one you love, that doodling feels goood with.

A small jar or cup- to place once-skewers, now Ass Chap Flags in.

Here's what to do:

This is incredibly easy- and feels awesome, so hush up about working for it.

1. Write things that you love on the scraps of paper. 

These could be things that make you happy about yourself, or just things that make you smile. Ex: Puppies.

Three of my Ass Chap Flags say puppies. Please, even Super Shredder smiles at puppies.

2. Dab some Elmer's on the wordless side of your strip of paper, and fold it around the end of your skewer. It should look like a flag, with your message on the outside.

3. Put said flag in jar. 

4. Repeat as many times as you can without wanting to scream.

Now you have a cool thing to go to when you're feeling down on yourself. Or about anything else. Like not being able to go out and get a puppy. 
STEVEN.

Is Anyone There??

Sometimes I feel like when I need to get my thoughts or feelings out, screaming is the only way to do it.  I keep thinking that because I know a lot about being sick that it puts me at an advantage.  Am I all wrong?  Is it better to stay uninformed and wait for Doctors and groups like the CCFA to tell me what I should be eating [yeah, right... lots of help there], or what drugs to be taking?  Because I just don't understand something right now.

Real Recognize Real, right?  So why do I feel like such a douche when I know straight off the bat that a Doctor or Crohn's 'Survivor' is full of it??  When I know full well that the drug being pushed to me is new and that there is absolutely NO cure for my disease?  It doesn't even put me in a bad mood, because I understand these things and know enough to keep myself safe.  But what gets me is that SO many people put their faith and understanding in people that seem to know what they're talking about as far a curing their own Crohn's [more bullshit], and they'll share it all with you for the low price of blah blah blah!

[We are all survivors of this disease.  In this post I refer to those who claim to have discovered their cure and actually have the balls to charge you for it.]

We need more people who know the real deal.  The raw deal.  We deserve it.  Because we are the raw deal.  And I swear on a stack of Bibles...  Our sob stories, this real shit-- it will be heard.

Because trust me, you'll be hearing it coming from miles away.

I'm am so sick of this ridiculousness