Back For Seconds

Once upon a time,

I had an eating disorder.

It wasn't talked about.  It wasn't pointed out.  It didn't seem real.

But, I had never been single at that point in my young, young life.

I look back and realize that a huge part of my sickness was the unrealistic and disgusting need to 'stay small' for someone.

After moving to Boston and having my heart crushed the first time, I started to learn how to love myself as a strong and independent woman.

Just as I was.

Did a pretty good job of it...

Even survived another heart-smash.

[Ick.]

Then, I had a Crohn's relapse.

And I BEAT IT.

But as I fought, in and out of the hospital, I consistently lost weight... enough to end up under 90lbs.  My muscles deteriorated.  I lost my D-sized girls.

My friends were uplifting and loyal, keeping me positive and reminding me that I was bigger than my body gave me credit for.

[I stole that from John Mayor.  Hope he reads the blog.  I don't think he'd care.]

Water retention from harsh steroids made me bigger from 2001-2002.

I went into school on the first day of my Senior year, and no one seemed to treat me the way they did before I was sick.  They actually ignored me, acted like I wasn't there.

Except for an amazing few people, like Matt Stoner.

Crohn's Disease is it's own bogus weight roller coaster, let alone struggling with Anorexia simultaneously.  You get sick, and diet is limited so you lose your muscle mass and your bones and joints suffer.  

You get better, maybe stop eating Gluten....

and you gain it back.  The hard part is remembering that it's a good thing.

Even when from out of nowhere, you sprout a booty that you'd never previously had.

[Though I must admit- I am most amped for this...]

And maybe a belly.

A womanly shape is something I never thought I'd l

love.

I recognize that I am a small person.  But this is the biggest I have ever been in a natural way.  

But if we're gonna end up with those child-bearing hips in the next few years... God willing...we've gotta start somewhere.

I think I can handle this part.

And I'd never have even the smallest thought to breed with someone who can't.