Here's a little story about something serious that can happen in your relationship when you're living with a chronic disease.
For so long, all that I knew was my sickness. I had no choice but to put other serious issues that I'd been working out for myself on the back burner. I journeyed far and wide through Relationship Land, and was just getting the hang of actually knowing myself as a single and independent person when I got sick.
When you watch as the people in your life that you gave your everything to, those individuals being deserving of it or not, take a big dump on your kind and genuine nature, you become broken. You start believing that you aren't worth what you're trying to give in relationships, so you give more. Even when you shouldn't. I call this... the Give Give Monster, and it can also come a-running if you start to feel guilt for something [say, having a disease that you can't cure and receiving limitless care from someone you feel you'll never be able to repay]. GGM began rearing it's ugly head as I became closer to remission this year. Steven had dutifully taken care of me at my worst, and never uttered a word about how unhappy my sad and frustrated behavior, not to mention terrifying hospital stays, had made him feel throughout my treatment. It's only now that his resentment about the painful feelings he had harbored for so long is surfacing. And I find myself wanting to give up countless pieces of myself for our relationship as emotional pay back.
What he's feeling is so normal, it's scary. He's lived with my disease, too. And I suppose a part of me might always feel like I 'owe him'. Finding out how to heal together while healing separately is a must.
Our Crohn's war had almost split us.
Almost.
We've done it before, we can do it again.
For couples who hope to stay together through a struggle as tough as the one we've known, I recommend a healthy dose of relationship therapy. There's not a damn thing wrong with knowing what you want, and doing everything you can to keep it. I started therapy earlier this year, and Steven and I will soon be going together. If you know that you've found the love of your life, you should fight for it with everything you've got. Just make sure that GGM doesn't put a damper on the joy that you deserve for yourself. Right now, my partner needs me to be strong, just like he was. And I intend to be there for him like I wasn't able to before.
Not because I owe him. Because I love him.
