The Whole Truth

I've always been the first person to raise my hand and call "bullshit" when someone close to me is struggling and tries to find a flimsy way to disguise it. I've also been the one, more times than I'd like to admit, to try and hide when I'm truly suffering myself. Which is why my blog posts and sketches are advice-filled and seem to be very self-directed.*

Most people can get by with half-assed self care. When you've got a serious illness, there are times when half-assing anything can be risky. Risky for your health, and risky for your heart.

I regularly depend on my pain management specialist** to cock his head to the side and glare at me as though he sees directly through my fibbing.

Post-flare, the period after you've been sick for longer than you thought you could stand, is proving to be more difficult for me than the roughest situations that my little body has gone through in these past, terrifying years.

Though it may seem foreign to some, relearning most everything that was familiar or had always been second nature is the trouble I've been facing everyday. Strengh comes in very intense waves. I had a heart-breaking separation late last year as most of you know, and that will continue to be very painful. I am grateful to have had such a wonderful, giving partner for such a long time. What I'm describing though, goes much further beyond that. 

If there are people in your life that are starting over, for any reason, and you're not sure how to approach them or you see that they're struggling particularly hard, these are just a few ways to ease their woes:

Make light (but not too light) of the situation at hand.

I bet if you somehow incorporated a fart joke, it would be appreciated. Despite that Cait Dooley says, "If they can't take a poop joke, they're no friend of mine", a point with which I happen to agree very much, it may or may not go over well. Don't ask me, man. Feel the room.

Offer to get them out of the house.

This is an important one. When you're depressed, your body will let you know if a good sob is necessary, right? But that can quickly turn into your general, "I can't move and don't want to", kind of day. It's a slippery slope, chums. Let's help our loves from self-medicating with drugs or alcohol-- and stick to the preferred, excess of cookie dough.

Watch Sci-fi with them.

Or whatever they like, even if you hate it.

Suck it up and be the friend you should be.

Keep dates!

I know that if I make plans with someone and I'm feeling like poop, if they bail, I'm sad about it for a bit. That's just me. I'm a flake though, too. I do it often. Which leads me to my next point--

Don't let pals blow you off when you know their alternative is a pint of ice cream and the episode of Friends where Ross & Rachel break up played three times in a row.

God dammit.

(I flake all the time)

Recognize when someone is trying.

If we try to have a little patience with our wonky friends, it might go a long way in their healing. Not to mention, it could do you some good to sacrifice time, energy, the upper hand in a ridiculous debate, or even your plans for an afternoon at a museum or getting high in your cousin's basement.

I have been terrified to continue with Stale Cabbage because I felt like a cross between a fraud for being a non-sick person, and guilty for becoming a monster while I was so sick and miserable for so long. Fuck it.

Happy New Year.

I'M IN REMISSION.

Resolution?

No more apologizing.

Dirty Laundry

So you've read a lot of personal information about a few people because they love building their blogs, yes?  I have, and I like that... sometimes. But, when someone goes through a great deal of shiiiit, it's hard for them to connect with real, live people about it. Hence, piece after piece of somewhat overwhelming information for a reader or two [or twenty] via the internet.

Mommy blogs go on and on about babies, toddlers, kids in general, and most of us who haven't gotten to that part of life yet don't know how to relate. Vegans and Fad Diet- Chasers are always on the lookout for healthy options in everything they do. I'm not enrolled in a Zumba class, but I'll give props to pals [or even Facebook acquaintances] who bust their asses publicly in an effort to nudge others in a similar direction.

The same understanding should go for healthy people who don't quite get chronic disease. To be fair here, who wants to think about painful situations? Who wants to see pictures of someone in a hospital? As remission is nearer and nearer for me, I'd like to stop thinking about Crohn's Disease entirely. The fact is, I can't. It's with me for the rest of my life. And if I'm receiving thankful e-mails from readers whom I've never met that commend me for sharing painful stories of my journey, those are the reasons I keep in mind when continuing to pen this crap down. 

I believe that if you truly give attention to other people's struggles, it will make you a better and more humble person. Perusing forums and Crohn's blogs has been a fairly large part of my life for the last while now, but I'm not offended if someone thinks this blog is lame. I don't care if even the people that I know are too uncomfy to read it. Getting the masses to sign on to follow my life was never my intention in starting Stale Cabbage. I thank the friends that do read, but I feel it may be necessary to voice that I write for myself, to document my sickness, and to reach out to others who are suffering from super scary things that have also touched my spirit.

I appreciate support from any direction it comes from. And if you disregard something that I write, that's okay. I am not preoccupied with the amount of "likes" or "views" I get. I'm simply happy to have you visit and if we're lucky, walk away with some insight and a chuckle or two.

The more and more we lose ourselves in technology, the less and less we see what's around us. I'm going to do what I can to stay happy, and that means continuing to blab on about my disease. Whatever you do, I hope that you do it because you want to, not because it will go over well with our online community.

Oh my God, My Junk Is Bad.

Have you ever had an abnormal pap? I've read that tons of women have. It had never happened to me until just last month. All I could think was, 'What's wrong with my hoo-ha??'

My doctor told me that I had some unusual cells on my cervix, and that a Colposcopy would have to be scheduled to get a closer look. The condition is called LGSIL [Low Grade Squamous Intraepitheliel Lesion]. That particular website scared me from the get-go, because the word CANCER is in the URL. Don't get too nervous, those odds are rare. I waited what seemed like a year for my appointment, and thought it would be a good idea to read up on what was going to happen.

I scared the Bejeesus out of myself. My advice to anyone doing their research on a procedure that they're scheduled for has always been to make sure that you read enough to know about what to expect, but not too much that will freak you out about what you may or may not have to do. I found articles explaining the removal of pre-cancerous cells, the horrors of HPV, and accounts of painful doo-dads that Gynos use for different types of procedures. What I learned was this:

-High Risk HPV isn't as scary as it sounds, but it does need to be monitored.

-Having it doesn't mean you're a dirty person.

-When a doctor tells you that you need a Colposcopy- you should keep in mind that it is pretty much a pap smear with a camera. [You can see your cervix!] It is much more common than you think. The whole thing takes about a half hour, and you may not even need a biopsy.

-For the ladies that do need a biopsy, the pinch [which feels similar to getting your blood drawn] should last only about 15 seconds.

-If you have an abnormal pap, have a Colposcopy, and find that the lame cells on your cervix are indeed a bit strange, your Gyno will have you back in 6 months to check things again.

-These cells can either dissipate on their own within about two years, remain the same and never turn into anything worse, or become cancer. As long as you go back to your Gyno for scheduled paps, you'll be able to catch it before it is of major concern. My doctor told me that it takes longer than six months for those cells to become cancerous, so they et you back in time to make sure everything down there is a-okay.

If you are scared, ask questions.

The staff will talk you through what they're doing, and you can watch the whole thing on a screen as it's happening. The nerd in me is still excited about that part. You have the right to know what's going on with your body, and I think that's our privilege as body-owners!

I just want to say thanks to the handful of gals that helped me prepare for this. It wasn't awful, and now I can add some vag knowledge to my list of things to know. It was super relaxing to learn that some of my friends had gone through this, and I'm happy to have had their support.

Oooh, oooh... I also learned that if you're a smoker, your down there part actually takes in more carcinogens than most parts of your body! Ick! 'Those pretty little girls don't care about their hearts or lungs, but tell them they're 'stuff's in danger, and they're allll ears' -Nurse Marty, BIDMC.

Vagina Power!