Dirty Laundry

So you've read a lot of personal information about a few people because they love building their blogs, yes?  I have, and I like that... sometimes. But, when someone goes through a great deal of shiiiit, it's hard for them to connect with real, live people about it. Hence, piece after piece of somewhat overwhelming information for a reader or two [or twenty] via the internet.

Mommy blogs go on and on about babies, toddlers, kids in general, and most of us who haven't gotten to that part of life yet don't know how to relate. Vegans and Fad Diet- Chasers are always on the lookout for healthy options in everything they do. I'm not enrolled in a Zumba class, but I'll give props to pals [or even Facebook acquaintances] who bust their asses publicly in an effort to nudge others in a similar direction.

The same understanding should go for healthy people who don't quite get chronic disease. To be fair here, who wants to think about painful situations? Who wants to see pictures of someone in a hospital? As remission is nearer and nearer for me, I'd like to stop thinking about Crohn's Disease entirely. The fact is, I can't. It's with me for the rest of my life. And if I'm receiving thankful e-mails from readers whom I've never met that commend me for sharing painful stories of my journey, those are the reasons I keep in mind when continuing to pen this crap down. 

I believe that if you truly give attention to other people's struggles, it will make you a better and more humble person. Perusing forums and Crohn's blogs has been a fairly large part of my life for the last while now, but I'm not offended if someone thinks this blog is lame. I don't care if even the people that I know are too uncomfy to read it. Getting the masses to sign on to follow my life was never my intention in starting Stale Cabbage. I thank the friends that do read, but I feel it may be necessary to voice that I write for myself, to document my sickness, and to reach out to others who are suffering from super scary things that have also touched my spirit.

I appreciate support from any direction it comes from. And if you disregard something that I write, that's okay. I am not preoccupied with the amount of "likes" or "views" I get. I'm simply happy to have you visit and if we're lucky, walk away with some insight and a chuckle or two.

The more and more we lose ourselves in technology, the less and less we see what's around us. I'm going to do what I can to stay happy, and that means continuing to blab on about my disease. Whatever you do, I hope that you do it because you want to, not because it will go over well with our online community.

Flutter Moment

Though my outings are few and far between lately, due to crap weather and body aches [thank you, steroid withdrawal], I always feel inspired by the things I see when I finally start to explore outside of my apartment. Venturing out can be tough for those of us who have been shut-ins for an extended period of time. If the sun is shining and the birds are singing, being outside can be really fun, not to mention super healing.

This beauty was waiting for me as I left Harvard Station last week. 

I had been anxious all morning and decided that going outside, and even riding the train, might make me feel better. You know what? It worked. 

When I want to spend time with friends somewhere new, or just need to get myself to one of many appointments with doctors, sometimes I freeze up when deciding what to wear, what will happen, etc.. I start to get nervous that my clothes aren't fitting well enough because I'm still so little, that I'll be under prepared for weather conditions, that I'll run out of money and won't be able to make it home by train or bus, that I won't be able to find a bathroom if I need one ... I psych myself into staying inside. I've done it at least 4 times in the last week. It's a terrible feeling. I just have to keep reminding myself that pushing back into social situations will be a good thing, a healing thing. Not some terrifying experience that will leave me scarred. I have awesome pals waiting for me on the other side- and even if I didn't, I'd still benefit from clumsily heaving myself over that barrier. 

You can do it, too. Even if you haven't been sick, we all tend to alienate ourselves from friends from time to time. You're probably a little more graceful in your hurdling, probably don't walk into book stores with hummus on your face because you scarfed your rice cake outside so no one will have seen you. 

Funks, right? Ick. Who needs 'em?

Represent, Represent.

Are you proud of who you are?

These days, I am feeling better and better, but am still so terrified of starting over. I never know if when I start something, I'll have to call it quits because of a Crohn's flare. It makes things super difficult and can really be a blow to the ego. What I am happy about, is my ability to stay passionate about the things that I believe in, and who I am as a person. Not everyone feels that way, and it has taken me a long while to get here.

Yesterday, I received my transcript information from Edison College in Fort Myers, Florida. I sent away for it last week so I could set up a meeting with an Academic Adviser at BHCC, here in Boston. I'm excited to see what I can do to further my education, because after being set back for so long, learning is something that I long for. My medications have made it extremely difficult to retain information, and these days I find myself nodding along with people in conversation with very little to contribute.


And sometimes, I feel absolutely stupid. 


I could go on thinking that I'll be fine when I'm finished with steroids, and trust that people in my life know what's going on [or not going on] in my mind... But you can never expect anyone to understand exactly what's happening with you. We've been over that, post after post. I've learned to voice what's up to new pals. I let people know if, when I'm speaking, I'm all over the place in my mind. It helps them to better understand me, and it eases tension that I bring upon myself. I don't feel like an idiot when I'm being honest, because I am being the most true version of myself that I can be. People really appreciate that.


Showing others what you acknowledge can be strengthened within yourself does not mean showing weakness.


Say what you mean, mean what you say, and always remember why the things you believe in are special to you. And if you forget why, go look it up again. It seems as though I'm always researching what I talk about. It's getting annoying, but at least I can spend more time figuring out what yummy foods to shove in my mouth rather than pulling out my own foot outta there.