The Honesty Policy

When I started writing this blog, I wanted to be able to share what was going on in my life with my family and friends [most of my family lives far from me, and I've been away for a number of years]. More importantly, I wanted to start a journal of my life with Crohn's Disease for myself, and for my children.

I did not intend for it to be viewed by others. Sure, maybe I thought of a few pals that I could push the link to, but I had no idea it would be so well-received by fellow Crohn's sufferers, or so many passersby. I couldn't be happier with the result. I truly adore making friends and learning from people all over this planet, and writing Stale Cabbage has helped immensely in being able to do so.

I hadn't expected to spout regular fears and weaknesses that I find within myself as I take this fantastic Crohn's journey. After some intensely written posts, and sharing much about my sometimes* hilarious  bathroom follies with the World, I'm on a much better track to becoming well. I'm almost in remission, and tomorrow, with the help of my favorite GI specialist, I hope to finally get that wonderful news.

The awkward part, as if images of my insides weren't enough? Public knowledge of my new start. These days, I'm not afraid of exposing every teeny part of my Crohn's Disease. I'm very proud of that. But as I embark on a career in Illustration, every piece of my heart [and colon] is on display for all to see. That includes potential clients. There is a link to this blog on my professional website. 

Why?

Because I believe that the work that you seek should reflect on who you are as a person.

I know that in some facets of the commercial art industry, such openness may be seen as weakness. And if my work is seen as such because of the way that I live my life online, for other Crohn's survivors, I couldn't care less. There will always be people out there looking for artists who are just as real as I am.

When you're real, other people see that. They can feel it. That includes clients, peers, long-time friends, and significant others. I like the way my work reflects on my silly demeanor. I enjoy being able to hold a conversation with someone about what makes their project so special, and I want no part of a career that doesn't call for regular heaps of interactions like those.

On Being Genuine

Hello, you.

Today I'm going to talk about relationships, and how to make sure that you're putting your most honest foot forward. We've all got friend, friend of friend, family, love, frenemy, and work relationships. Are you the same you for all of them? Or do you have different masks for each?

A good friend of mine explained to me the other night that she regularly watches just how different her friends are in separate interactions with others. After our conversation, I realized that I may have a few masks of my own. There's Networking Event Ali, Sick Game Face Ali, and Yeah, I Was Totally The One Who Farted In The Elevator But Will Continue To Deny It Ali, to name a few. 

The best way to form healthy relationships and keep them that way, is to throw the idea that you have to be anyone other than yourself, right out the window. When you meet someone, it doesn't matter what you're wearing, or how far you are in your career. It's about how you connect with that person on an honest and respectful plane. What comes from truthful and excited interaction can end up becoming a beautiful relationship, work related or not.

Are you close with your family? GET close. They're the only ones who will see you at your worst and continue to love you like they hadn't.

Those are probably the most valuable words that I'll ever be able to give. You can't change blood. And even if you stop talking for a bit, under the anger or frustration, there is always one constant: Love. Your family won't lie to you about what your faults are, so if you feel unsure about how you're coming across, ask someone who you're related to if there's something you can do better. Trust me, even if you don't want to hear it, those words will be astoundingly helpful as you continue to grow as an individual.

***On that note, thank you, Sam. I WAS a heinous bitch to that girl in the subway a few weeks ago. 

Work relationships. They're easy to let become solely business interactions. I think that sucks. Did the guy you worked with that one time just start a family? He was pretty neat, right? Send him a card. You'll feel good, he'll feel good, and it shows others that what you do isn't who you are. 

Friends of friends are fun. They trust that your mutual pal is a good judge of character, so you've already got your in. As long as you don't get drunk at their Halloween party and pee in their broom closet, you should be able to keep that impression. Not to mention, if you trust your friends, the people that they choose to keep in their lives will have the chance to end up long-standing pals of yours in your future. Don't start that relationship with any jealousy or bitterness, like if they were the ones to see The Hunger Games with said mutual friend instead of you, JIM.

I don't have any Frenemies. The one person to have hated my guts in all of my years, that I can think of, is Caryn Moskal, in middle and high school. And she continues to be one of the prettiest girls I've known in real life. 

To sum things up, BE YOURSELF.

Haters gonna hate, real recognize real, and don't worry if you think that you're not good enough. You are. 

Shoot, I bet you're cooler than you know.

Long Time No Squeak

I've grown away from this blog. I'm not proud of it, but lately it just seems depressing to me to post anything that could be Crohn's-related. The truth is, I've been focusing so much attention on trying to work, that I've been straight up ignoring my body.

Stupid. I started writing Stale Cabbage to have something to look back on in times of weakness. To remind myself how hard I've worked to accomplish not only finding peace with my disease, but finding peace within myself. So here's the deal, Alicia. listen up.

Just because you have more energy than you did a month ago, doesn't mean that you're any closer to remission. You know damn well that when a flare comes, it starts to brew long before there are any tell tale signs. Are you seriously thinking that ignoring the teeny red flags of your irresponsible dietary actions will keep your sickness at bay? Come on. You also don't want to realize that taking it easy isn't just something that most people wish that they could do- it's imperative for you. Man up. Take responsibility for that little body, because you haven't gotten it back to one hundred percent yet. That doesn't mean that it's okay for you to sit on your ass, either. I want you churning out more drawings than you know what to do with, making connections left and right, and organizing what to sell, how to sell it, and closing every deal that you can.
Then, I want you to blog about it.

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When you're scared of something, you tend to want to ignore it. People put things off all the time because they're afraid the outcome will be different from what they expect. I guess showing courage in situations that you don't want to recognize is something that few people are actually able to do. I also suppose that when faced with that very dilemma, I've been a mouse. You know, you're either a man or a mouse, right? But let me tell you a little something about mice. They're smart. They may run into a wall the first couple of times they try to find their way out of some shit-- but when they know what they're doing, they show up again with a greater strength. And an army to back them up.

I think that I am ready to spend more time thinking about what I need to do to make things right with my bod. I've started to resent it for everything that I've been through, and recently- I've been feeling not so great. I've been taking that out on the people that are closest to me, and I feel retched. For that, I am so, SO deeply apologetic.

So pals, mind doing me a solid? Tell me when you think I'm being an idiot when it comes to food, rest, and alcohol. I may squeak like hell for a bit, but I promise I'll share the good cheese with you... you know, when I can truly stomach it again.

Represent, Represent.

Are you proud of who you are?

These days, I am feeling better and better, but am still so terrified of starting over. I never know if when I start something, I'll have to call it quits because of a Crohn's flare. It makes things super difficult and can really be a blow to the ego. What I am happy about, is my ability to stay passionate about the things that I believe in, and who I am as a person. Not everyone feels that way, and it has taken me a long while to get here.

Yesterday, I received my transcript information from Edison College in Fort Myers, Florida. I sent away for it last week so I could set up a meeting with an Academic Adviser at BHCC, here in Boston. I'm excited to see what I can do to further my education, because after being set back for so long, learning is something that I long for. My medications have made it extremely difficult to retain information, and these days I find myself nodding along with people in conversation with very little to contribute.


And sometimes, I feel absolutely stupid. 


I could go on thinking that I'll be fine when I'm finished with steroids, and trust that people in my life know what's going on [or not going on] in my mind... But you can never expect anyone to understand exactly what's happening with you. We've been over that, post after post. I've learned to voice what's up to new pals. I let people know if, when I'm speaking, I'm all over the place in my mind. It helps them to better understand me, and it eases tension that I bring upon myself. I don't feel like an idiot when I'm being honest, because I am being the most true version of myself that I can be. People really appreciate that.


Showing others what you acknowledge can be strengthened within yourself does not mean showing weakness.


Say what you mean, mean what you say, and always remember why the things you believe in are special to you. And if you forget why, go look it up again. It seems as though I'm always researching what I talk about. It's getting annoying, but at least I can spend more time figuring out what yummy foods to shove in my mouth rather than pulling out my own foot outta there.

Don't Wig On Me

When you can feel your steroid medications changing your mood for the worse, it can be hard to bring yourself to think of ways to buck up. I've spent time wallowing in these darker moods in the past and it's not exactly the healthiest or most fun thing to do. I would find myself judging others harshly, and that's never okay. Strangers, even. I'd look at what they were wearing, how they moved or talked, and think negatively about them. I'd see other girls, think they were really pretty- and hate them for it. I was unhappy with my body, being sick, and my lack of physical ability. I've actually acted mean to people. Not cool.

I wish I would have told someone close to me, so they could have promptly given me a kick in the ass. Negative thought, no matter where you direct it, hurts you, too.

Being judgmental of others because you're feeling bad about yourself is bogus. Pull those claws back in! You're not an animal, and appreciating people for what they are actually starts to feel good. You may not have to agree with everything that other people do or say, but they're not twisting your arm to get you to be they way that they are. And if they are, please reconsider that relationship immediately. Yikes.

I've started thinking about things this way: If someone is wearing something that I think is weird, I stop and say to myself, 'He likes wearing that shirt, hat, beard of bees, etc.'. And it makes me think of what I'm wearing, and why it feels good to me. This is probably even a kindergarten exercise, but it's come up in my warped little mind recently and become super helpful when I get mean for no reason. I'm glad for it.

This is the last thing in the world I'd want to have on my head. And if I'm not in a courtroom with that, and a gavel in my hand, I've no right to pass judgement on anyone for anything.