I've grown away from this blog. I'm not proud of it, but lately it just seems depressing to me to post anything that could be Crohn's-related. The truth is, I've been focusing so much attention on trying to work, that I've been straight up ignoring my body.
Stupid. I started writing Stale Cabbage to have something to look back on in times of weakness. To remind myself how hard I've worked to accomplish not only finding peace with my disease, but finding peace within myself. So here's the deal, Alicia. listen up.
Just because you have more energy than you did a month ago, doesn't mean that you're any closer to remission. You know damn well that when a flare comes, it starts to brew long before there are any tell tale signs. Are you seriously thinking that ignoring the teeny red flags of your irresponsible dietary actions will keep your sickness at bay? Come on. You also don't want to realize that taking it easy isn't just something that most people wish that they could do- it's imperative for you. Man up. Take responsibility for that little body, because you haven't gotten it back to one hundred percent yet. That doesn't mean that it's okay for you to sit on your ass, either. I want you churning out more drawings than you know what to do with, making connections left and right, and organizing what to sell, how to sell it, and closing every deal that you can.
Then, I want you to blog about it.
Then, I want you to blog about it.
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When you're scared of something, you tend to want to ignore it. People put things off all the time because they're afraid the outcome will be different from what they expect. I guess showing courage in situations that you don't want to recognize is something that few people are actually able to do. I also suppose that when faced with that very dilemma, I've been a mouse. You know, you're either a man or a mouse, right? But let me tell you a little something about mice. They're smart. They may run into a wall the first couple of times they try to find their way out of some shit-- but when they know what they're doing, they show up again with a greater strength. And an army to back them up.
I think that I am ready to spend more time thinking about what I need to do to make things right with my bod. I've started to resent it for everything that I've been through, and recently- I've been feeling not so great. I've been taking that out on the people that are closest to me, and I feel retched. For that, I am so, SO deeply apologetic.
So pals, mind doing me a solid? Tell me when you think I'm being an idiot when it comes to food, rest, and alcohol. I may squeak like hell for a bit, but I promise I'll share the good cheese with you... you know, when I can truly stomach it again.
