When To Stop Fighting

Once upon a time, there was a young girl who fell ill and ultimately lost everything. 

Over three years, the girl slowly regained the strength and mental clarity it took to give her life another healthy chance. What she didn't expect was an uphill, and often times negative battle more terrifying than knowing and learning to respect illness. And she became addicted to that battle. 

Unfortunately, fighting for a career and well being and the perfect romantic relationship is different from reasons behind fighting just to fight. It can be hard for the ones healing to keep this in mind.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S NOTHING ELSE TO TRUCK THROUGH?! WHAT DOES REMISSION EVEN MEAN?? MAYBE I SHOULD START KICKING PUPPIES AND BABIES AND EVERYONE I LOVE  

because I don't remember how else to be and I CAN'T STOP TELLING MYSELF THAT EVERYTHING STILL HURTS."

This is one typical string of thoughts that people who used to be sick and aren't anymore have, even when they're feeling better physically. My body feels great, but the lists and lists of stressful things that normal, healthy people figure out how to balance out as they grow into fantastic, hysterical and wonderful adults feel more and more foreign to me with every cool story from healthy, well-adjusted friends. 

HERE ARE SOME THINGS THAT HAVE BEEN HELPING.

GOOD FRIENDS

[The kind that you don't mind letting sleep over after a night of too much wine.]


GOD DAMN THERAPY
Just go. Even if you've never been sick.

FUN.

I don't care if you get your jollies by flashing your neighbors... unless your my neighbor. In which case, bring it on. Just do things that are silly and amusing before letting yourself blow up or break down-- and don't worry about how you look whilst doing so. Here's the honest truth, baby: NO ONE wants to deal with roller coaster emotions, but if you MOVE YOUR ASS and don't look in the mirror before you do it, it may help. Really. If you feel like poop on a stick, you probably look like poop on a stick. Who wants to psych themselves up for awesomeness if they get all self-conscious and blah blah blah?? In fact, put your mirrors in storage. Life is about enjoying yourself- not what you look like when doing it. Something else? The happy people are the attractive ones.

GET YOUR ASS INSPIRED

[Gili, do you know about this bad bitch??]

EAT WELL

Please? 

DON'T JUST SIT THERE--

Go exercise. Jerk. Do you know how many people wish they could move their bodies, you sunnava bitch??!

DON'T WASTE TIME AROUND PEOPLE THAT DO ANYTHING BUT LIFT YOU UP.

I'm serious. Fuck that noise.

BE ONE WITH NATURE.

Run. Dance in the sun. Hike your face off. Screw staying inside. It will kill your spirit.

Being ready to make your life better takes commitment that you've probably never had to give before. You'll be your worst enemy. Not every day will be happy. People will piss you off, make you jealous, and test your newly found, happy and centered patience. You'll resent your friends, your family, your dog... and anyone who seems happier than you do. You'll learn more about yourself trying to change for the better than at any other point in your life. And you'll be one of those people who never shuts up about it.

I'm not quite there yet, but once I am...I hope I never do.

Take Time To Make Time

I'm learning, a lot later than most I'm sure, just how valuable the time I spend alone can be. I like venturing out on my own, having date days with myself, and taking time to think about what truly makes me happy. I haven't been able to reflect as clearly through these roughest parts of my sickness, and it's kept me from learning myself. Maybe I more was focused on being silly, trying not to let myself get too serious because I was secretly very scared of my disease. I kind of felt I didn't need to know more than that just then.

 Shutting down other areas of my life because something I'm 

dealing with is tough? Preposterous. Those neglected little parts really suffer! I'll

 never let that happen again.

Coming out of a terribly rough patch in health [or really any harder life situation that sets you back], you rediscover new things about your personal tastes. A lot of things. It feels pretty amazing.

Turns out, I really like reading. I never put time into learning new things when I was younger. I was way too interested in what movies were coming out, and what Britney Spears wore to the VMAs. Supah lame. These days, gimme anything and I'll read it.

I'm too sexy [slash, not sexy enough] for my hat. Or my jacket. Or my left shoe. I was never really a fashion forward type gal. Comfy sweats or hoodies did me very well. Now that I'm a little older, and have had oodles of time to blogstalk fashion writers, I'm really interested in trying to recreate what I see, but on a sickie's budget.

Keiko Lynn is a personal fav.

I also discovered that I really enjoy crossword puzzles. Go on and make fun of me. Pfft. 

I LOVE MUSIC. 

Live music is wonderful, and I had the chance to see a really great show last weekend. Well, most of a show. I was spent by the third quarter and had to head home... But getting out and being part of a live music experience is something that I forgot meant so, so much to me.

Have you heard of Jason Anderson?? His shows are so intimate, so lovely... He draws you in and forces you to participate by clapping, singing along, and is quick with a joke or two. Simply awesome.

Exploring is fantastic! I've had more energy lately to see the parts of Boston that I hadn't yet invested time in, and so far, I love it. I am proud to live here. So many medical and technological advances have been made here, among tons of other cool historical happenings.  I'm excited to know that there's even more to learn about in pretty much any part of this city.

We took a Duck Tour through Boston last weekend! 

Okay, so I wasn't alone. But a lovely date day was needed, and we had a blast! ;D

 I know now just how much it's worth to hear my own voice, and I hope you do, too. Even if you're tone def, it feels good to get loud sometimes.  Your friends will understand. I don't see any of them on American Idol.

Zing.