Still Stones And Moss

Wonderful things seem to be happening all around me. Friends are having babies, second babies, great career opportunities, and finding tremendous strength in climbing even further from each new and beautiful place that they reach. 

They're wonderful! All of them! And they inspire me all the time.

They're rolling stones, and continue to be moss-free in most of their endeavors because they have the happy attitudes that allow themselves, no matter what, to keep going. Once you get a taste of something good, your drive pushes you to go grab seconds, am I right??

What about the other type of friends though, those stones that seems to sit still and gather inch after inch of soggy moss until it weighs them down completely? I've compiled a list of some sure fire ways to get those lovely little stones rolling again, and on the way to higher hopes. With much personal research, my little Gloomies, these pointers are for you.

Carry your Own Baggage

I'm fully aware that the camera equipment at my feet in this picture does not belong to me, 
but that doesn't mean that I don't know how heavy it is. That said, they still don't outweigh
 my history.

Part of finding your true self and becoming an adult on this planet is recognizing that if you spew your unwanted junk everywhere, no one will want to be around you. There's just got to be fair amounts of give and take, talking and listening. It's always healthy to vent, but solving your own problems will make you an amazingly tough person. And don't sell yourself short, you probably already make a great therapist to the people closest to you. 

Enjoy The Climb

Even grimy, smelly stairs get you somewhere. Shut up and know that every step you take is
going to bring you out into the sunshine again, and taking a look around in the muck can also
be kind of fun. 

Celebrate [Without Taking Advantage Of] Friendships

This is an important one. The ones that I talked about venting to up there, the few that listen and love you unconditionally? Those chums are to be held in very high regard. Be careful that the tear-fests you give them aren't wearing down their faith in you to become super happy [and fun to be around] again. Try to remember that just as getting worked up and being sad is exhausting, so is listening to you getting worked up and sad. At the very least, bring those idiots some cookies in exchange for putting up with your snot-stained sleeves.

Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke
This is just as important. Not everyone is cut out to be as sympathetic to what you're going though as you'd like. This will never change. Your soul-bearing is extremely overwhelming to some, so be respectful when you might not get the reactions you're looking for. Put your feelers out for who to speak to about your issues, whether you're healing, going through a break-up and can't stop talking about it, or are at your wit's end about a job you hate. A lot of people are [gasp!] generally happy all of the time. Don't rain on parades because you're too wrapped up in yourself. On the other hand-- if you genuinely feel as though you've been wronged or personally victimized by someone who doesn't understand you, don't get upset. Just walk away. In the long run, if they aren't close enough to you to really be able to care, it doesn't matter what they think. Do not hold this against them, just let it go.

Recognize A Greater Power

I don't care what you grew up believing, it's been proven that having faith in a higher power helps to alleviate stress and combat illness. Could it be that the Universe hears you when you're down and out and sends you healing relationships and sunshine? I frigging hope so, because I've been banking on that for a long ass time. Believing in something creates a sense of belonging. A sense of belonging leads to connection with others who share similar beliefs. Human connection can change your entire way of thinking. Freaking start believing that something's pushing you along this rock, already. Even if it's science based.

Know Your Limits

Ooh, you sure look like an asshole in that deep V. No, really. Aside from fashion sense and courageous idea sharing, it isn't okay to do more than you think you should. Even the healthiest person can easily burn out when there's too much going on. I'm talking to everyone here, not just the sickies.

Grow Up
Really? You still haven't filed your taxes? From last year?? Get it together, flapjack. You don't have time to screw around anymore. Your thoughts should be on how to better yourself every day. Go get a notebook, and write down 5 things to do next week that you've been putting off because you haven't felt like doing them, and do them... Then, do it all over again.

Note Accomplishments, Big & Small
How the hell else are you going recognize how you operate? Reward yourself with some praise and feel happy about something you've just done, even if it may be small to someone else. Let others who are close to you know when you're proud of something you've finished, or a new idea you have. Make them happy about believing in their accomplishments, too! 

Treat Yo'Self

Shooot. I like pink and red nail polish. I probably have three of the same shade. It makes

me feel GOOD. What is something that perks you up when you're feeling blue??

Create Your Own Timeline

Moving fast is for race car drivers and downhill skiers. Unless you love speed, and I don't 
mean the movie about the bus, take it slowly. Do what you can, and don't stress about your 
pace. You'll be even more proud of the things you do when you time them right.

Be Logical

My favorite Vulcan would point out when you're being an idiot. Are you willing to do that for yourself? If not, scroll up and read this whole damn post again. Being honest with yourself is one of the most valuable things you can do. If, deep down, you know that something's off, take a step back and rethink what you've got going on. Progress takes time. I've wanted some things in my life to work out soo badly that I've compromised my health to try and grab them. It wasn't worth it, and neither is your rushing something that shouldn't be rushed. Life isn't an Easy Bake Oven. If those brownies aren't ready, they'll give you the shits.


Happy Thursday. Spring is here!

Trees And Apples

They say where one grows, the other doesn't fall from. I call bullshit.

When someone mentions Father's Day, I'm usually uncomfortable enough to ease into another topic very quickly. I have a few great dudes to look up to, don't get me wrong. My uncle Eric is my godfather, and he's awesome. My World Series of Poker-playing gramp is the man, and I can call my step-dad up anytime and gab about anything from video games to menstrual cramps [really]. These cool guys aside, I am estranged from my biological father.

I have the mindset to run from anything that hurts. Even after so many years without a solid relationship with my dad though, I'm still not used to the fact that he couldn't be what he should have. I find it difficult to understand how it's possible for anyone who becomes a parent to not want to drop everything they're doing and do right by their little one. I guess he tried when I was small, according to family, but I can't remember that far.

I have plenty of friends who are children of divorce, and we all turned out alright. Some are like me, and don't talk to one of their parents at all. We probably know enough to get out of situations that we'd rather not bring children into, at the very least. I consider that to be pretty valuable, because I can look to a good man like my boyfriend and expect nothing but smiles if we have babies together. If you know Steven, you will agree. Still, there's this guilt in me. Almost as if- even though I know that I didn't do anything wrong- I should still go to my father and let him know that I carry a loyalty to him.

More bullshit. That feeling just isn't fair.

At this point, reconciliation is a fairy tale. I've come too far after getting sick to waste time stressing about it, and that sucks... But I simply can't afford it. I'm building a career, and finally  healing from a monster sickness. I wonder if he even knows that. 

I'm not quite sure why I'm even posting this now. I haven't been able to find my way for what feels like lifetimes. I wish I had my dad to show me the right way. I wish he knew the right way. And I wish that I wasn't so angry that he never has.

What Are You Lookin' At?

This is a very serious matter that I think requires some attention... from me, at the very least.  

There are few things in this life as effective as 'Dancing It Out'. 

Have you ever really listened to the lyrics of Vogue?  They are absolutely unquestionable therapy for those who don't have insurance and need to ditch some depression.  Of course, they should be heard as is intended for such a session- in your bedroom, at full blast, while you dance to them in your underwear.

 

Dancing triggers an endorphin release.  When you're lonely, depressed about being sick, or sad about really anything, dancing will make you feel better.  I freaking guarantee it.  Pick something fast and catchy, or something that you can sing along with into a hairbrush [please, don't think I hadn't assumed that you already do].  When you feel like lying on the floor and crying- which I admit happens regularly when I'm not doing well- you sort of have to force yourself to cheer up.  You'll bring your spirits to a place where, I promise, you'll be thankful to yourself for doing so.

Not to mention, we let our inner bad-asses out when no one's watching.  When I'm [most likely very clumsily] stomping around my apartment to music, I'm not sick.  I'm sexy.  I'm happy.  I feel good.  And no one has to see me making a fool of myself, so when I actually can go out dancing, I will feel so confident that I won't care if they do.  

Surely, this is because I am a crip walking master.  

 

Um, people are still doing that, right?