Water Wait

I've never been sailing. I imagine racing over the ocean with the strength of the wind behind my schooner [that's a fancy sailing ref for those who care] would be pretty amazing, though. You know how sometimes you feel driven to do something really important? Like some beautiful force has it's hand on the small of your back, willing you to keep sailing until you carry it out?

WAIT.

I'm realizing that maybe some of you don't. I know that for a decent chunk of my life I didn't. It happens. You may spill some mango chutney on your fresh new Sperry's on sailing Sunday, sending you into a tizzy so uncomfy that you fall right off your fancy boat, dickey and all, into the heavy current of the ocean waves.

If you know how to swim, which I do [slowly and as awkwardly as you can imagine], it's not impossible to breast stoke your way to shore again. Or at least to some other sailor's boat for a bit, if that's what you need. I don't know the sailing term for bestest pal, so I'll simply call it "Meg*". That Meg might throw you a towel and giggle with you at pictures of half-naked hipster dudes until you're ready to get dropped off at your own boat again. 

*The name Heather may also apply here. 

When you do finally arrive in a safe place, though... when you are happy with how far you've been able to travel without swim-puking, the feeling is wondrous.

Kiiiinda like this.


There have been few moments in my life that felt as wonderful, but I treasure them and constantly hope for more. The greatest part is that I hadn't even believed I would get to this place. The last three years have been the biggest test I could have had. It didn't take much--just my voice. 

Now that I'm approaching top sailing speed, I don't resent that part of my life at all. I must admit though, that I am just a little nervous. Hence the lingering swim-pukes.

My poor boat shoes.

If I May

Since it's gotten nicer and nicer outside, and the sun has given me more happiness than I've had in quite some time, I'm in a super excited and silly place. There are so many people wearing flip flops and dresses in the city, so many smiling couples and pups out with families in this awesome weather. It seems as though the fresh breeze is carrying bits of happy around and letting it fall on us just when we each really need it. And it's about damn time.

After the bombing last month during our beloved Boston Marathon, there's been a stillness in the city. People have been unsure of how relaxed to let themselves become. Though we've given a sigh of relief after suspects were caught or killed, we still hurt for what happened... and many people question the tragedy. There are tons of unreliable sources spewing what they think we should believe through the sharing of their websites and photographs. It's maddening. I think we deserve some beautiful freaking weather, and a fresh season.

But there is one absolutely terrifying thing about this month.

May is National Irritable Bowel Disease Awareness Month. That's actually wonderful- far from terrifying. But it's the month that I, along with countless others, was initially diagnosed with Crohn's Disease. The change of seasons can wreak havoc on an autoimmune disease, and many people start to flare when the weather gets nicer. It's a crap shoot, but it's our job to try and find things to be happy about everyday. If we don't, we run the risk of getting sick and becoming super miserable. The positive vibes you give yourself are in direct correlation with how good you feel.

If you've got blood running through your veins, you've got the opportunity to make your time on this planet worth something. Even if you're sick. Especially if you're sick.

Make a plan.
Show your teeth.
Grab happiness by the nape of it's neck, and make it your own.

Sometimes even a well-deserved, gorgeous new start is scary. The truth is, people with a lifetime sickness never stop working. Ever. Being on your toes is something that becomes second nature, but can hurt... so we've got to make sure that we're well-rounded in our activity, knowledgeable of our conditions, and willing to sacrifice a lot of things that mean very much to us. At least, for the next few months anyway, we can fight, fight, fight with our toes in the sand and our faces in the sunlight.

You can turn a shitty situation into an opportunity to help others. And to help yourself.
Every moment is what you make it. 

Don't ever let a doctor tell you otherwise.

Still Stones And Moss

Wonderful things seem to be happening all around me. Friends are having babies, second babies, great career opportunities, and finding tremendous strength in climbing even further from each new and beautiful place that they reach. 

They're wonderful! All of them! And they inspire me all the time.

They're rolling stones, and continue to be moss-free in most of their endeavors because they have the happy attitudes that allow themselves, no matter what, to keep going. Once you get a taste of something good, your drive pushes you to go grab seconds, am I right??

What about the other type of friends though, those stones that seems to sit still and gather inch after inch of soggy moss until it weighs them down completely? I've compiled a list of some sure fire ways to get those lovely little stones rolling again, and on the way to higher hopes. With much personal research, my little Gloomies, these pointers are for you.

Carry your Own Baggage

I'm fully aware that the camera equipment at my feet in this picture does not belong to me, 
but that doesn't mean that I don't know how heavy it is. That said, they still don't outweigh
 my history.

Part of finding your true self and becoming an adult on this planet is recognizing that if you spew your unwanted junk everywhere, no one will want to be around you. There's just got to be fair amounts of give and take, talking and listening. It's always healthy to vent, but solving your own problems will make you an amazingly tough person. And don't sell yourself short, you probably already make a great therapist to the people closest to you. 

Enjoy The Climb

Even grimy, smelly stairs get you somewhere. Shut up and know that every step you take is
going to bring you out into the sunshine again, and taking a look around in the muck can also
be kind of fun. 

Celebrate [Without Taking Advantage Of] Friendships

This is an important one. The ones that I talked about venting to up there, the few that listen and love you unconditionally? Those chums are to be held in very high regard. Be careful that the tear-fests you give them aren't wearing down their faith in you to become super happy [and fun to be around] again. Try to remember that just as getting worked up and being sad is exhausting, so is listening to you getting worked up and sad. At the very least, bring those idiots some cookies in exchange for putting up with your snot-stained sleeves.

Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke
This is just as important. Not everyone is cut out to be as sympathetic to what you're going though as you'd like. This will never change. Your soul-bearing is extremely overwhelming to some, so be respectful when you might not get the reactions you're looking for. Put your feelers out for who to speak to about your issues, whether you're healing, going through a break-up and can't stop talking about it, or are at your wit's end about a job you hate. A lot of people are [gasp!] generally happy all of the time. Don't rain on parades because you're too wrapped up in yourself. On the other hand-- if you genuinely feel as though you've been wronged or personally victimized by someone who doesn't understand you, don't get upset. Just walk away. In the long run, if they aren't close enough to you to really be able to care, it doesn't matter what they think. Do not hold this against them, just let it go.

Recognize A Greater Power

I don't care what you grew up believing, it's been proven that having faith in a higher power helps to alleviate stress and combat illness. Could it be that the Universe hears you when you're down and out and sends you healing relationships and sunshine? I frigging hope so, because I've been banking on that for a long ass time. Believing in something creates a sense of belonging. A sense of belonging leads to connection with others who share similar beliefs. Human connection can change your entire way of thinking. Freaking start believing that something's pushing you along this rock, already. Even if it's science based.

Know Your Limits

Ooh, you sure look like an asshole in that deep V. No, really. Aside from fashion sense and courageous idea sharing, it isn't okay to do more than you think you should. Even the healthiest person can easily burn out when there's too much going on. I'm talking to everyone here, not just the sickies.

Grow Up
Really? You still haven't filed your taxes? From last year?? Get it together, flapjack. You don't have time to screw around anymore. Your thoughts should be on how to better yourself every day. Go get a notebook, and write down 5 things to do next week that you've been putting off because you haven't felt like doing them, and do them... Then, do it all over again.

Note Accomplishments, Big & Small
How the hell else are you going recognize how you operate? Reward yourself with some praise and feel happy about something you've just done, even if it may be small to someone else. Let others who are close to you know when you're proud of something you've finished, or a new idea you have. Make them happy about believing in their accomplishments, too! 

Treat Yo'Self

Shooot. I like pink and red nail polish. I probably have three of the same shade. It makes

me feel GOOD. What is something that perks you up when you're feeling blue??

Create Your Own Timeline

Moving fast is for race car drivers and downhill skiers. Unless you love speed, and I don't 
mean the movie about the bus, take it slowly. Do what you can, and don't stress about your 
pace. You'll be even more proud of the things you do when you time them right.

Be Logical

My favorite Vulcan would point out when you're being an idiot. Are you willing to do that for yourself? If not, scroll up and read this whole damn post again. Being honest with yourself is one of the most valuable things you can do. If, deep down, you know that something's off, take a step back and rethink what you've got going on. Progress takes time. I've wanted some things in my life to work out soo badly that I've compromised my health to try and grab them. It wasn't worth it, and neither is your rushing something that shouldn't be rushed. Life isn't an Easy Bake Oven. If those brownies aren't ready, they'll give you the shits.


Happy Thursday. Spring is here!